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five more seconds;

we stopped time;

to chase these truths

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An innocent soul is quietly contemplating.
five more seconds;
Sometimes it feels like I'm doing things to make everyone else happy. Go to college right away to make Father happy. Clean my room out to make Stepmother happy. Keep out of brother and sister hair so that they're happier without me there to burden them.

I want people to be happy. I want to see them smile, and feel like I've accomplished something. I know I'm smiling too....but for what? Their happiness? Am I happy? Or have I just become so good at pushing my own feelings aside, that I just don't have them anymore, and I'm attracting some empath spirit?

I don't know. My feelings have never been something I've understood. 'Girls are complicated.' Yeah. The fuck they are. Espically if I can't figure out my own feelings.

Ugh. I don't want to go through this discovering myself shit all over again. I already angsted all through High School. Now college wants me to rediscover myself? Great. Fucking great.

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Oh. My. God. I've felt exactly the same way. (provided, a few minro tweaks, as I dont' have step family or siblings, but yea)

Freakily enough, ditto. Maybe it's an epidemic?

Oh. Geez. It's not just girls. I've had these thoughts before. A million times. It's the curse of being a panderer. *Sigh*

And maybe I just feel that way because I'm more in touch with my "feminine" side than most guys. I'm not exactly sure. Hah.

Varis, the purpose of living is to make other people happy. It's tough, but I figured it out quite a while ago. No one cares if you're happy, only if they're happy.

...Does that mean that everyone in the world is actually unhappy and they're all lying to themselves?

Oh, there are some people who are genuinely happy because they have discovered the secret to happiness. *nods nods* I'm not really kidding. It's just that this secret is really difficult to realise.

...I think the secret is good grades. Because I tend to get psycotically happy and wear pink when I get good grades. o__O

Well, and that too, I suppose. I was thinking of another secret. Besides, we're not going to study for the rest of our lives. Life isn't that easy.

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